Thursday, 19 November 2009

A confectionary rant

First it was the Marathon bar, then Opal Fruits. This creeping globalisation & re-branding of our favourite childhood sweets simply because Opal Fruits means 'Panda farts' in Mandarin. Who are these mystery executives in their corporate towers that make these life changing decisions?

If we're honest with ourselves even back then, we knew really that our silence would only allow greater evils to emerge. It's true. We were sidelined, shaking our heads as Wagon Wheels got smaller & smaller. This was once a mighty product which began life in the wild west as an actual sized meringue & choclate covered wagon wheel.

The mystery men are at it again, & now they have my all time favourite in their sights. Ladies & Gentlemen, I give you the Sherbert Fountain! It's the kind of product that would never be allowed today, would never get through the focus groups & the fanatical PC commitees that now hold sweet makers hostage in the top floor of their sweet factories.

Everyone has a Sherbert Fountain story to tell, usually an accidental explosion or breathing in incident. Is there any confectionary today which is able to make you wheeze & could give rise to lung related insurance claims later in life?

In one swoop they have taken away everything which makes the Fountain so good. The glue over the top is replaced by a screw lid. The cylinder which was once lovingly made from strange smelling paper wrapped around used toilet roll tubes, is now plastic.

Never again will you be able to scrunch up the bottom of the packet to expel the last few clouds of sherbert. Never again will the saliva soaked paper fall apart, allowing sherbert all over your school jumper. Never again!

I am a realist. I know there are far more important battles worth fighting. But surely someone ought to be doing something about this sherberty shenanigins, this fountain fiasco! For the sake of our children & their right to breath puffs of choking confectionary! Will you join me?

No comments:

Post a Comment