We are continuing our Marriage Central seminars this weekend. One of the books that we have been recommending to our couples is the excellent, 'Mars and Venus in the bedroom', by John Gray. He takes the well known Mars/Venus analogy of Male/Female differences and applies them pretty frankly to the most intimate parts of our most loving relationship as husband and wife.
Essentially, the old generalisation that 'he wants sex and she wants romance' means that it does seem as though we have arrived on earth together from different planets. Nowhere is this seen more clearly than behind the bedroom door. Most of the book is definitely for 'couples' reading only, and not subject matter that I would quote liberally from on my blog! However, this simple passage about the magic art of buying flowers ends up explaining some of our differences in ways that even us Male Martians can begin to understand - ladies, really, we do need it explaining to us at this kind of level - just thank me for trying!
'I remember once asking my wife to pick up some flowers at the grocery store. I knew that women like cut flowers, but after a while I wondered why I should keep getting them. After all, I casually thought, she could easily pick them up while she was out shopping.
To her, this kind of reasoning was definitely not romantic. Through eventually discovering the importance of buying her cut flowers, I was able to understand the importance of all romantic gestures.
To feel romanced, a woman doesn't want to buy her own flowers. She wants her lover to do it. She doesn't even want to ask for them. If she has to ask, it doesn't count as romance.
His self motivated purchase of cut flowers for her is a symbol that he cares for her and understands her needs. These kinds of symbols are a very important part of romance.
She doesn't want a potted plant but cut flowers that will die in five days. Why cut flowers? So that in five days he will again go out and prove his love for her by purchasing more flowers! Buying a potted plant is just not romantic. It is one more thing she will have to take care of!'