A year on from a Sabbatical break, here are some selected notes from my journal during that time which may be of help to others, and are certainly a reminder to me. Some is in the form of more reflective thought, other passages are simple meditations from scripture.
How many times have I cringed inside when good people in my church have come to me, apologetically seeking a small portion of my time, focus, and attention, and in doing so will precursor their approach to me with the line, ‘I know you’re a really busy guy, but.....’
Oh, that moment of self reflection, as they hold up a mirror for me to glimpse what they see! A man without time or capacity, a leader who is pushed and pulled from one emergency to another. Their need or even their encouragement for me, becoming something more to be squeezed into an already overflowing schedule.
As ever, the fix is the heart, not the schedule.
I was too busy before I left my job to lead the church plant full time 20 years ago, coming home from a work commute to make phone calls on a dial phone tethered to the wall by a curly cable. Writing letters by hand and posting them, taking time to see people outside of work.
Then I was too busy leading full time. Like every other cool 90’s Pastor, I bought a computer, invested in a Filofax, upgraded to a Palm Pilot, acquired a mobile phone, went from dial up to broadband, went to even faster broadband.......I remained too busy, because the fix needed was in my heart not in my tech.
This statement by Eugene Peterson in his book ‘The Contemplative Pastor’, pulled me up short during our sabbatical, made me stop looking for the latest scheduling and time management solutions, and start considering my heart again. Whether you are a Church Pastor, leader, or simply anyone still alive and kicking and trying to navigate the 21st century, I’ll just leave it here for you......
‘I am busy because I am vain. I want to appear important. Significant. What better way than to be busy? The incredible hours, the crowded schedule, and the heavy demands on my time are proof to myself-and to all who will notice-that I am important If I go into a doctor's office and find there's no one waiting, and see through a half-open door the doctor reading a book, I wonder if he's any good. A good doctor will have people lined up waiting to see him; a good doctor will not have time to read a book, even if it's a very good book. Although I grumble about waiting my turn in a busy doctor's office, I am also impressed with his importance.
Such experiences affect me. I live in a society in which crowded schedules and harassed conditions are evidence of importance. I want to be important, so I develop a crowded schedule and harassed conditions. When others notice, they acknowledge my significance and my vanity is fed. The busier I am, the more important I am.
The other reason I become busy is that I am lazy. I indolently let other people decide what I will do instead of resolutely deciding myself. I let people who do not understand the work of the pastor write the agenda for my day's work because I am too slipshod to write it myself. ..................It was a favourite theme of C. S. Lewis that only lazy people work overhard. By lazily abdicating the essential work of deciding and directing, establishing values and setting goals, other people do it for us; then we find ourselves frantically, at the last minute, trying to satisfy a half dozen different demands on our time, none of which is essential to our vocation, to stave off the disaster of disappointing someone.’
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