Monday, 14 February 2011

Men's & Women's English - A communication lesson for Valentines Day

I promised to post the Men's & Women's English here for Valentines Day that we used in yesterday's Marriage Matters Session.

The truth is, we fellas can't really understand the female of the species. Unless you are blessed with a Mel Gibson 'What Women Want' special sense, then it is pretty much guesswork for us men most of the time. As for the ladies....well, stick around with us guys long enough & you'll work out that our minds are pretty one track....sex.....football.....sex.....sex.....food.....& round again in an endless loop

We've been trying to help couples understand one another, help them to communicate better & listen to what their partner is really saying, not what they think they are saying. The following definitions have been formed from years of extensive research amongst husbands & wives - they are listed below to help you plot a course through the miasma of male/female communication. Observe & learn, maybe even put into practise on your Valentine this evening!

Men's English -
I'm hungry = I'm hungry
I'm tired = I'm tired
Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd eventally like to have sex with you
Can I take you out for dinner? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you
May I have this dance? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you
Nice dress! = Nice cleavage!
You look tense Darling, let me give you a massage = I'd like to fondle you
What's wrong? = What stupid self inflicted psychological trauma is it now?
I love you = Let's have sex now
Let's talk about it = I'll impress you with how deep & caring I am then can we have sex?

Women's English -
Yes = No
No = Yes
Maybe = No
I'm sorry = You'll be sorry
We need = I want
It's your decision = The correct decision (mine) should be obvious by now
Do what you want = You'll pay for this later
Sure, go ahead = I don't want you to
I'm not upset = Of course I'm upset you moron!
You're so manly = You need a shave & you're sweating
This kitchen is so inconvenient = I want a new house
I want new curtains = .....& carpets...& furniture....& wallpaper
Do you love me? = I'm going to ask for something expensive
How much do you love me? I did something today you are going to hate
You just have to learn to communicate = Just learn to agree with me

Hope that helps all the lovers out there - Happy Valentines Day!

No comments:

Post a Comment